Love…so many things I want to tell you


As I stare at my baby girl whilst nursing I wonder what the future holds for us. Does all the baby talk and alertness mean she’ll be a questioner and explorative? Will she sing? What kind of student will she be? Is she going to Miss Personality or more on the shy side? Why is she walking so soon (8 months)?? Will she be into sports? What about the arts?

Whoever she grows into, she’ll be great in her own way. I will encourage her to go her own way but there is one thing I pray I’m able to have a positive influence on…

I hope my little girl witnesses me experience love. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a fulfilling, romantic relationship; coming up on two years to be exact. Some people ask those who are single, “Why are you single?” *insert their stank face* They say it in a way that makes it seem like there is something wrong with that lifestyle. Everybody cannot be in a relationship. And there are sometimes personal reasons that we are single or maybe it’s just not the right time.

While I am not ready to date at the moment, when the time is right, I definitely feel I deserve the man being created just for me. Not that I need to say why, but I’ll share anyway. I reflect on things I need to work on and while I am who I am, and who I am is not going to sit well with everyone, that’s alright because I don’t want to date and eventually marry everyone 🙂 I’ve had  positive relationships that if given a chance to try again, I’d consider. With these men in particular I was able to be myself. We had fun together and were in the beginning phases of building in our time together. Those relationships ended mainly because of our timing. We would’ve been good for one another at other points in our lives.

I deserve it more so because I feel my daughter deserves to see love and the give and take of adult interactions with her own eyes. Sure we can read about it and she will definitely see it on TV – even though not much with people who look like her unless we watch old school shows while Firestick and chillin – but I would like for her to see it in her own home. With her mother.

I saved this status below from a friend and it rang true to me especially as one who has considered what’s important to have a lasting relationship.

We will all have conflict with those we are in close contact with but it’s about how the conflict is handled that matters most.

Some people are super optimistic. To a post like this they will say, “Of course you will find love!” But there is always the honest reality that I might not. And that is something that I will have to live with if that’s what it comes to. Having a mate to share life with will not complete me, so to say. I am very happy in my singleness. And I absolutely love my life. But having a mate would add to the greatness that I already feel in my every day life. An empathetic and loving man who shares some of my same extracurricular activities and goals for the future would make life a little more for fulfilled than it already is while simultaneously giving my child an example of the type of man she might want to seek for herself down the line.

I know there are good guys out there. They are just enjoying the single life, hiding beneath rocks, or are already taken. So this is not a plea for friends to hook me up with any and every single man they know; if that was something they wanted to do, they would have done it already. Rather it is my out loud thinking and sharing of thoughts that other mothers may have had themselves. Our daughters and sons deserve to see healthy, loving relationships under their roof.

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